Dear Me, in another 10 years,
I’m going to assume that you no longer write on this blog because you now have your own legal website that is handled by a bunch of people your assistant employed and you spend your waking moments writing, reading, watching legit tv shows you can afford buying while sipping margaritas that you secretly hate. Unless you’re still single, lonely and living with a bunch of cats .. which is not a bad thing. Just saying you never really liked living with animals unless they were pandas.
Let me educate you on how you were at 18 years 6 months.
You love sunshine.
Now you were the type of person who was always internally screaming but one slant ray of sunlight on your face and your smile was as wide as this universe. There was something about this light that made you believe everything was fine, your worries were worth nothing and that there was simply no reason for you to not dance in sunlight. Even if you had crawled into the recesses of the deepest pits inside your mind, the sunshine would force you out like a bear out of hibernation. (Is this even a good analogy? I don’t know. Future me, please don’t edit this.)
If you find any typos in this post, know that its for your own good. Or at least that’s what I’m trying to convince myself. It’s a better alternative that indicating that I am really dumb.
You are selfish. Not in the most hideous way. But just in the way that every human on earth is. You think about yourself a lot. Talk to yourself way too often for it to be normal. And always daydream weird things like being on Ellen. Sometimes you think that people don’t care for you enough or that you’re being used and no one cherishes you but I’m pretty sure that we both are just avid fans of conspiracy theories that will go up to become brilliant books/movies.
So remember even if you feel like people are not giving a damn about you, it’s mostly because they REALLY aren’t giving a damn about you and instead of being a pussy about it, just get up and get a life instead. No one really owes you any attention. Whatever love, concern and time you give others is entirely your own decision and you have no right to hold them against it. You were the damn fool who decided to love anybody and they are the damn fools who decided not to love you. That’s how life works.
That being said, you right now have the most brilliant friends. No matter what happens always cherish the people who take even a moment out of their day to remember you, even if it’s a jerk who’s getting on your nerves, hey he chose you to irritate! How lucky is that. (It’s not, just trying to sound optimistic here)
The next thing is about love.
Right now you are thoroughly confused about everything from restaurant menus to crocs. Love being included on that list should not be the main of your concerns. You should realize that people do love you even if they don’t show it. (And I hope you have at least 5 million followers on twitter to remind you of the same.) And the other thing. You are a beautiful lover, you’ve always known that. So remember that everyone is worth it. Everyone deserves love. If you choose not to love someone just because they’re a horrible person, how pure is your love anyway. Remember Jesus loves you no matter what, and you know that we’re not the bunch to preach by the bible, but we do have a doctrine. If anyone is being harsh in your life and is giving you the worst time, don’t think about it. Don’t believe that your love is going to waste, because it’s not. Nothing bad can come from love (Unless you try to kill someone for love, so please don’t do that no matter how good a plot twist that may sound) Love will hurt even if its good or bad. So what do you have to lose?
I right now love McDonalds. I hope you don’t. Because that will cause a lot of problems in our future and too much money on liposuction. Everyone knows that we’re not going on a diet anytime soon. I hope in 10 years you have read over a 1000 books which will be Awwweeeesome. Let’s beat our own record okay.
Lately I’ve been feeling more brave. You have anxiety issues. You are scared in public. You are scared to talk to people. You are overly conscious of how you walk, dress and blink. And you are way too scared to hope. A good day is a rare day in your hope book. But this is all possible. You can talk to people. Just the other day you spoke to a compete random dude just to see if you could and you PWNED IT.
Don’t be afraid to make a fool out of yourself because people have a bad memory and they are so caught up with their own embarrassing moments that they have no time to remember yours. Its okay to have an opinion on things, but don’t be judgmental. Be open.
Don’t be afraid to fight for what you believe. What don’t afraid to look indifferent. Don’t be afraid to look completely immersed in yourself. Because at the end of the day if you’re not proud of the tiny broken pieces that make you up, how can you expect others to respect you.
Sing in the bathroom more often. I know you have stopped singing lately because you think you’re a horrible singer (which you are.) But you can still sing. Paint. You love to paint. And sometimes sketch even if it looks like a freaking ugly caricature. I hope you’ve traveled a lot more of the world. And I hope you’ve made more friends. And you remember a little bit of French, otherwise that tuition money would have just gone down the drain. I hope you’ve been to one formal dance at least, with some really cute guy who didn’t forget to get you a matching corsage. I hope you’ve eaten all types of cuisines, but please no snakes, cockroaches or rats, that kind of thing. I want you to experiment… but not experiment that much. I hope by the next 10 years you are happier with the world, that humankind has given you lesser things to complain about and that you have done something in return. Instead of you just running away from all the evil problems that our race faces and pretend like they don’t exist, cause you know they do.
I hope that you are safe. That you don’t think of jumping off trains anymore and that you still aspire to walk on the moon and/or have a tour of the universe, probably escape a black hole and let The Doctor hold your hand and show you a brave new world.
I hope that you still daydream. Still hope. Still believe. And still smile even if everything looks bleak.