It was just a matter of time. 10 to 15 minutes give or take. Waiting was the worst. But you waited for the people you love.
When I saw her coming down the stairs I decided to ignore her. She had made me wait for 30 minutes which sucked. But staying mad at her was impossible. Well it was possible… But you’d rather not waste any time you had with her. She was that precious.
We had decided to drink. I didn’t particularly want to because what was the point of it? So I could have an excuse for drunk texting CJ? Or just to appear semi-cool in a college where everyone is trying to shine. No thank you.
But yet, after long arguments and couple drama (cue her & him) we dragged ourselves to Sunlight. On the way we did stop in the subway to sing ‘I See Fire’ to give me some kind of confidence in public but it didn’t work since it ended in the police chasing us out of the subway.
Damn it police and crushing young pop star dreams!
When we walked up the stairs to the bar I hardly imagined how the next few hours would go. I planned to have just a few sips of anything to give Her the satisfaction of me being there. Getting drunk was not on my agenda. Nu-uh.
Suddenly her eyes met mine urgently and she pointed. Before I could comprehend I saw the guy. It was the guy from college who I thought was cute! And so what, you’d ask? A million of them in the world anyway. But I was like a little girl who was getting excited about watching a Tobey Maguire Spider Man movie. I decided to keep my fangirling to myself. Happy Endings and me weren’t exactly buddies and my mouth usually stayed shut when I’m totally nervous which I totally was.
But my friends were not the pathetic lot. After a couple of (or more) sips He decided it was time to meet my life partner aka The Cute Guy. He extended his arm and signalled to the Guy to pay heed to his words. I was busy trying to kill myself lest She saves me. Soon Cute Guy was looking at me. I was sweating. Not attractive. Not cute guy material.
He said, “Hi I’m ——– . And you are?”
I am going, is what I should have said and done. But I only told him my name, like any normal person should. In due course he turned back around and joined his friends while I sat in contemplation of whether I could be anymore hopeless.
But I guess that was the entire point. In the next few hours we interacted quite a bit even if he was just him narrating how this person who I thought was his girlfriend was just a psycho (he later added, sweet) human being. We even clicked a picture together because fate (or my friend Jenson) said so. And you know, more than anything I felt amazement. Never in my life did I think I would speak to this person. Its weird how Alcohol can work, but it did. Because here I was listening to this bizarre story, learning how I was a way substantial person than I thought I was. Even though he clearly showed signs that we would never talk in college again or this thing would never go further on and that he was hitting on my friend more than on me, I was happy that I was the person I was. Stalker-ever loving-fangirling-trying to find her place in the world-adorable dork, so be it.
So as we ordered another round (we had decided against tequila) with me holding back the tears, I smiled. Because it IS possible to be happy and sad at the same time. I had decided I was not going to enter this bar for a long long time, but for the while I was made to believe that once in a while miracles (or very oddly shaped happy instances) do occur.
You most certainly don’t get the things you want. Or the moments you desire. But you get these. The unimaginable. And you get your friends. And I must correct myself R, you are not replacements. Even though philosophy is twisted and sadness will conquer me faster than delight, these are the moments that matter, no matter how far they seem just a few hours later. And that’s when I realized…
Even though we were sitting in the darkness, I felt like I could see the world through Sunlight.