“Then we shoot across the sky… then we shoot across.”
I was reading the last three years of birthday posts that I’ve written, and my, do I cringe.
KIDDING SALONIE, YOU’RE PERF.
If I had to put down my year long feelings in one description, it would be timeless. And it particularly has to do with how time, in my life, didn’t seem to have a motion. Things happened, and the day passed and things happened again. And I started feeling that nothing was actually touching me or sticking around. I felt like memories were fading away faster than my GPA.
And for the longest while, I was okay with it, cause that way (being the sensitive person I am) I was prone to hurt less(er.) But it isn’t done.
In this year, I forgot my friend’s birthday and didn’t feel half as bad as I should. I also tried for things incessantly, who might have driven so many people up the wall. I also wallowed in self-pity which I think is my all time low.
And I don’t want to be that person.
Because I know life is beautiful. The world isn’t- with its wars and capitalist agenda and illuminati conspiracies, but we are all, still, beautiful. And we’re so much more than just these words.
So recap: I went for my first ever concert, which happened to be Ed Sheeran, which happened to be love. AH. I went to Amer-fricking-ica, also which implies I got my first passport of my life, after 18 years of existence, also which implies the american embassy was like ya gurl, you can enter our country. Also an immigration officer hit on me, as soon as I landed in America, which for no reason I take as a sign of victory. I went to New York, I may have become best friends with Taylor Swift and hung out in her apartment, but I’m not allowed to comment. I was in the defaulters list for all three-four months in my semester and YET, they gave me an A grade, so hmm. I didn’t get into many fests in college this year, and didn’t apply either, but I did do Ithaka for the first time. Even though my play cough cough was rejected, it wasn’t all that bad (okay it was) and I had a really good time. I also did Xstatic! I don’t know why… well, I do. I didn’t want to do a fest because it was popular. And this was perf, because it was small-scale and yet I did more work here than for any other fest that I’ve done so far. And something about doing a Stats fest makes me look smart. I went for a movie with someone I liked and it felt like the most normal thing ever, something I hadn’t felt in the longest while. I won two free books (ugh which I haven’t read yet.) BUT I did read 67 (66?) books this year, KUDOS. My friends and I had an Anti-Prom day, which as elaborate as it sounds, wasn’t. But Imma go as far and say it was the best day in the year. Truly. I hope it was as good for them, as it was for me. I ruined Christmas, but friendships go deeper. I may have written nothing, but I imagined a lot, which I count for something. I went to Elephanta Caves. I was relatively social and not afraid of humans. I traveled more… in Mumbai, which if you know Mumbai is a feat in itself. I also made a short film guise, y’all should check it out!!!!! I finally decided what I want to do in life, and maybe, just maybe, will work towards it.
I’m sure I missed a lot of important moments.
And as I said earlier, the past makes it seem like it didn’t happened at all.
But today morning I got up and remembered all my friends’ birthdays by heart, which I think is a good start.
(I also know all the 50 states of America, just saying.)
In closing I’d like to say that this year I’ve been happy. I’ve been dramatic and silly and irrational, also. But I’ve been happy. And this is a world where everyone is trying real hard to do their best, when its so easy to just let go and do your worst. And you’re allowed leevay and down days. But don’t stop trying. For some moments, I just find the concept of jumping off a train so damn easy. But I realized, I didn’t want to jump and fall, I wanted jump and fly.
So we shoot across the sky, we shoot across the.
I hope 19 is a year of mature decisions and balanced diet and no drama, but who am I kidding. This is a Bollywood story, and I’m taking it one item number at a time.