I wish this was a narration of a very gruesome horror story that wouldn’t fail to entertain you. But sadly, this is just me reclaiming that I am back from my month(s ..?) long hiatus and I’m down to business…
……. EXCEPT I’M TOTALLY BLANK ABOUT WHAT TO WRITE.
Certainly, I have been working on my novel. But leave that milk drinking baby aside and let’s focus on what I’d like to say in this post.
You’d know that being in the 12 grade is one of the most difficult things ever. I’m not talking about ‘Senior Year’ drama, cause believe me I had none. All thanks to the fact that I am too stuck to my laptop screen and cramming books down my throat to even bother about the happenings of the popular. Not to mention, my recent unholy obsession with Benedict Cumberbatch that has lead me to be so unsocial, even pigeons don’t come near me now. But as I was saying, 12th grade AND EXAMS.
It’s a lot of decision making that somehow ‘Will define your life’ as the grown ups put it. Obviously, I do want to make my life a good one. And I think it’s the burden of that destiny that drives me crazy into not knowing which decision is the right one. It would be an honor to have many choices, in the first case. And someone to talk to. Someone, who knows everything about my everything and whose presence won’t choke me. Because as teenagers, our ‘dreams’ are stamped under the feet of society on the basis of what’s ‘Approved’ and instead we are made to think about ‘what – would – probably – be – the – most – sensible – thing – to – do – with – our – lives.’
I think the problem lies in a lot of pit holes that we’ve created. For instance… people say we must do what we love. My mother quotes that we should make our passions our professions and I am all ears for that- if you hadn’t added, “But that will be your only source of livelihood.”
So do the things we have a passion for… also help us earn our daily bread?
It if difficult, sometimes, if not impossible for that to be true. Maybe it’s some kind of challenge, to order to maximize our potentials as unique individuals and to excel in this maze of life. I get it, we have a lot of inspiring people to look up to and maybe in another 5 years time I will be happily doing what I love. But right now, at the age of 17/18 … this is scaring the bejeesus out of me.
I mean, if I make a particular decision… it narrows my path down (As John Green says.) If I go into writing, I most probably cannot become an astronaut, even though I have an interest in that. (Okay that was a really bad example) But what I’m trying to say is, there are a lot of things we’d like to learn, we’d like to acquire knowledge about… and most often, it’s between these things that we have to choose any one. Which I find ridiculous.
Especially if you live in India, with such an education system that is not always beneficial to the students. And when one thinks of studying abroad, after finally finding the right course, the exchange rate rattles you and you have to comprise between your dreams, and who want to be and what you must do to survive in this world.
I think this entire post, is my tiny plea to God to make all things right.
And the rest is up to me, I suppose.