Today was my last paper.
That also means that today was the last day of my college.. First year, that is.
It also indicates the beginning of two months of freedom summer.
So, how does it feel?
The thing is I know I’ll be going back to college in two months. And from experience, two months fly away with a snap of your fingers. But yet, I have this pang of anxiety that wishes I could go back everyday, not minding the crowded trains and the prickly heat. (Even though part of me is happy that I’m free from the above mentioned, for at least two months.)
When I first started college, it was a nightmare. I didn’t know anybody.. at all. And I wasn’t exactly ‘Popular Girl’ material for anybody to have interest in me either. I tried for months to be in a proper group that would make me in my nature ‘cool’ and ‘grown up’ and and live up to any other definition of a college going student.
And I hung out with a lot of people who were bad for me. No, they didn’t take drugs or smoked pot or anything.. duh! They just didn’t make me feel comfortable about being with them. In school, I was used to everybody knowing me. Hell, after living for 10 yeas in that school, it would be a shock if two people didn’t know each other. And so, I kinda felt left out.
Maybe it’s cause I’m shy, or just cause I’m scarred of not creating the right impression, I’d usually just shut up when people were trying to make friends with me.
So what makes me feel sad now? Almost a year after the nightmare commenced?
Friends, of course. But how exactly?
First of all I realized, shutting up won’t help.
Secondly- staying in a group just because you don’t belong anywhere else (including company you are in) is stupid. I realized that I’d rather be alone, than to be with the people who take me for granted.
And thirdly, you have to learn to enjoy being you- Only then will others enjoy being with me,
And yes, I have Castle, and Avril Lavigne, books and writers to thank for!
Because I connected with people faster when I showed them we had similarities. For example, I’m awkward. Very. And weird. And well, my best friend’s the same! (Only she’s more weirder. But I’ll get to her level in some time!) And the first time we met each other, our first words were quoted from Castle (please watch the amazing show!) She greeted me saying, “Alakazam Jackass!” and I hit her with my phone, (hard) and said, “That’s gonna leave a nasty scar. Every time you look at it. Think of me.”
And another friend I made was through music. Ri wanted a song from my playlist and it happened to be of my favorite singer Avril Lavigne’s. And I promised her that I’d send it to her through bluetooth. After that we endlessly spoke of songs, listening to them and writing them. And how she should become a singer (She has a lovely voice!) and other what not.
Needless to say, I still haven’t sent her that song through bluetooth.
And there were some who just simply annoyed me. Some with valid reason, some with not. Very pesky, those people.
But then I started interacting with them.. and they didn’t seem half-bad. (Which clearly doesn’t mean they were half-good either!)
And I did this thing of randomly siting with people, through out the year. Which made me familiar with all the 109 kids in my class. (Did I just type kids?)
And yes, I kinda know everyone’s name. No… I won’t start typing out each of their names to prove my point… 😉 And I have associated to each a characteristic. And well, noticed ALL of them.
Even if they haven’t noticed me.
But well, I guess they have!
I mean, I’ve not really been a star in the past year. But also I’ve strove not be a ‘Nobody.’
So that’s it!
I’m gonna miss my friends. A Lot.
It was kind of a home. Even if you tend to get ignored, you feel you belong there.
And you can always be optimistic about the next year.
So … Hello summer.
And good bye, FYJC.
To the next year… I’ll be waiting for you!